[She raises her brow ridges at the initial comment, but supposes that he would've had to kill other bots as a gladiator just the same way he would've had to in war. They wouldn't have had much need of doctors in the days before she became one of there hadn't been near constant battles, would they? And it was essentially self defense, wasn't it? She hums lightly, drumming her fingers on the tabletop as a way to settle herself.]
I'm sorry that's the situation life handed to you. But you survived where others didn't, and led people against the societal injustices you spoke of. There's quite a lot to be said, there.
[She shrugs then, somewhat surprised by his question.]
Maybe in other places, but the cybertronian colony I am from, Caminus, was far enough away from the war that we were essentially left alone. My fellow colonists prized art and expression above all else. I suppose going into medicine is seen as something of a betrayal of those ideals, although you could argue that it's expressing myself by pursuing it? Nautica thought so, anyway.
I liked it. [he says, simply.] I liked fighting and killing people. I still do.
[he doesn't see the point in pretending to be something he's not. as difficult as the changes are to commiserate with, megatron does feel them genuine. he knows he would be much more disquieted if he was trying to run the library himself, rather than seeking out quicksilver. that would be pretending to be someone he's not. if he said to velocity it was a life he hated that he left behind because he despised the violence, that would be lying. the training and the treatment and living conditions were terrible, but he never hated going out into the arena. he will never pretend to go on missions here to be the one to act diplomatically. sure, an attempt will be made where he thinks it's necessary, but ultimately he's the one that goes along to hit stuff very hard until it stops moving.]
I believe so. And what happens to all those artists when they overwork their arms on their paintings or the actors when they have an accident on set?
I see, I see. I think. I don't mean to sound judgmental, it's just... very unlike myself. But you know what they say about everybody being like yourself, the universe would get very boring very fast! And very loud, if you're anything like me!
[Velocity hums consideringly with a smile that she mostly means, even. Almost every other Cybertronian or Cybertronian-adjacent build in their home universe had experience with war, after all, and many of them had come to enjoy it, right? It was hardly her business if Megatron was one of those, was it?]
[She shrugs again at his questions, although she can't help but frown a little, her smile twisting in thought]
I don't... I'm not sure. Doctors exist back home, the same way actors do in places where they push people to be doctors, it's just? Different? I know I had a lot of doubts before I first started going to medical school because almost nobody I knew had ever even thought about doing it, you know? And while I started, and um. After...
[he doesn't seem to know what to make of that sentiment, beyond giving velocity a slightly judgemental look. megatron thinks her standards are too low, and she's too much like optimus which makes him smad.]
There were almost no Decepticon medics in my universe. I decided that it was a way to weed out the weak, to let them die. I did not offer the Decepticon medics any special protection and many of them befell the same fate. [his expression curdles at this; megatron doesn't actually regret a lot of the things he did the way he should, because he's not capable of it on a very deep level, but this one he does. his rabid pursuit of the perfect decepticons until he saw a version of himself that had the perfect army, and hated it.] I don't understand this... disregard for...
[he stops and frowns, deciding that this conversation could be better than him judging the culture of velocity's homeworld. it doesn't really matter to him at the end of the day.]
Try to remember that you are the only one you can count on. In the end, you will only have yourself. This inevitability is easier if you retain some degree of sanity.
[Velocity must have had a similar sort of expression on her own face, once the surprise at the notion of deliberately allowing soldiers and doctors to die settles in. She supposes it was just an intersection of values, and decides to leave it at that until she has more time later to turn things over in her head.]
[She isn't particularly offended by his thoughts about her colony, at least. A lot of people react that way, when they hear about it, but it was just the way things have always been. Not that it makes it better, she supposes, but perhaps that was where he was coming from, as well...? That his notion of weeding out the weak was the way it has always been for him since the arena? Possibly.]
[In any case, she offers him another weak smile.] I don't know that I've ever been good at accepting that, either. We're a communal species at heart, even if we've forgotten it. But... I can certainly try? Knock Out thinks I should, too, and probably Ratchet...
I'd take Knock Out's opinion over that irritating little alcoholic's... [he mutters to himself, but loud enough she could hear. not in a passive aggressive way, more in a no real indoor voice way.] Do what you think is right in the end, Velocity. That's what we all do.
[Another uncomfortable shift at the insult to Ratchet, but she elects to pretend she didn't hear it, for now]
That, I can probably do! It led me here, after all, and I'm hoping it'll lead me to interesting places after this, but... interesting or not, at least I'll have integrity, right?
You did? [A blink and an openly curious, almost wistful expression] Is that better, or worse? I can see how not having the expectation on yourself could go both ways, but... That seems like a bit of an uphill slog to release the ties of either one, for myself.
[he seems slightly baffled that she keeps wanting to question him on things he says -- this might actually be the longest conversation megatron has had since optimus disappeared. he does not know how he feels about that.]
You assume it was by choice.
[this wasn't some heroic act for other people's benefit. all it meant was he would be more underhanded and shameless, and that he could say it was inevitable because of the autobots-- that his problems are all their fault. these are the parts of himself he truly hates, not in part because he can see antlers in them.]
[Velocity's wistful, curious expression turns more watchful]
Mmm, no. If you were truly as utterly without any redeeming qualities as you say you are, I don't think you'd keep trying as hard as you have to convince me to believe in things about myself.
They don't have to be shiny, brand new off the factory floor goody good qualities, but neither does that mean that just because you've done and experienced bad things that you are now worthless forever. That's the dented part of your processor working against itself.
I completely agree! [She says cheerfully, letting him have his moment if he wants to take refuge in grumbling about it. It's almost cute! Is cute actually, but she'll hardly say so if saying this much got a reaction like that]
Just like it would be a shame to lose someone like you to circular modes of thinking. Getting stuck in the subroutines, you know? Sometimes it's best to yank off the patch job and see what's underneath, but uh... as a doctor, my advice to please not actually literally ever do that.
Probably! [she says with a cheerful little sway in her seat as she brings her hands up to drum on the table] Would you be opposed to my visiting you again? I like talking with you. And I'll be able to update you on my going through the logs!
[she's not particularly offended, it's not like it's the first time she's heard a rejection. she'd gotten very used to it before arriving at the R2, in fact, where people are strangely nice]
If that's what you want! [a smile, and a tap on the tabletop as she stands with her unfinished drink and begins wandering towards the bar to return her cube as she sips at it while she walks] Be seeing you around then, Magical Megatron!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm sorry that's the situation life handed to you. But you survived where others didn't, and led people against the societal injustices you spoke of. There's quite a lot to be said, there.
[She shrugs then, somewhat surprised by his question.]
Maybe in other places, but the cybertronian colony I am from, Caminus, was far enough away from the war that we were essentially left alone. My fellow colonists prized art and expression above all else. I suppose going into medicine is seen as something of a betrayal of those ideals, although you could argue that it's expressing myself by pursuing it? Nautica thought so, anyway.
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[he doesn't see the point in pretending to be something he's not. as difficult as the changes are to commiserate with, megatron does feel them genuine. he knows he would be much more disquieted if he was trying to run the library himself, rather than seeking out quicksilver. that would be pretending to be someone he's not. if he said to velocity it was a life he hated that he left behind because he despised the violence, that would be lying. the training and the treatment and living conditions were terrible, but he never hated going out into the arena. he will never pretend to go on missions here to be the one to act diplomatically. sure, an attempt will be made where he thinks it's necessary, but ultimately he's the one that goes along to hit stuff very hard until it stops moving.]
I believe so. And what happens to all those artists when they overwork their arms on their paintings or the actors when they have an accident on set?
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[Velocity hums consideringly with a smile that she mostly means, even. Almost every other Cybertronian or Cybertronian-adjacent build in their home universe had experience with war, after all, and many of them had come to enjoy it, right? It was hardly her business if Megatron was one of those, was it?]
[She shrugs again at his questions, although she can't help but frown a little, her smile twisting in thought]
I don't... I'm not sure. Doctors exist back home, the same way actors do in places where they push people to be doctors, it's just? Different? I know I had a lot of doubts before I first started going to medical school because almost nobody I knew had ever even thought about doing it, you know? And while I started, and um. After...
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There were almost no Decepticon medics in my universe. I decided that it was a way to weed out the weak, to let them die. I did not offer the Decepticon medics any special protection and many of them befell the same fate. [his expression curdles at this; megatron doesn't actually regret a lot of the things he did the way he should, because he's not capable of it on a very deep level, but this one he does. his rabid pursuit of the perfect decepticons until he saw a version of himself that had the perfect army, and hated it.] I don't understand this... disregard for...
[he stops and frowns, deciding that this conversation could be better than him judging the culture of velocity's homeworld. it doesn't really matter to him at the end of the day.]
Try to remember that you are the only one you can count on. In the end, you will only have yourself. This inevitability is easier if you retain some degree of sanity.
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[She isn't particularly offended by his thoughts about her colony, at least. A lot of people react that way, when they hear about it, but it was just the way things have always been. Not that it makes it better, she supposes, but perhaps that was where he was coming from, as well...? That his notion of weeding out the weak was the way it has always been for him since the arena? Possibly.]
[In any case, she offers him another weak smile.] I don't know that I've ever been good at accepting that, either. We're a communal species at heart, even if we've forgotten it. But... I can certainly try? Knock Out thinks I should, too, and probably Ratchet...
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That, I can probably do! It led me here, after all, and I'm hoping it'll lead me to interesting places after this, but... interesting or not, at least I'll have integrity, right?
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You assume it was by choice.
[this wasn't some heroic act for other people's benefit. all it meant was he would be more underhanded and shameless, and that he could say it was inevitable because of the autobots-- that his problems are all their fault. these are the parts of himself he truly hates, not in part because he can see antlers in them.]
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Mmm, no. If you were truly as utterly without any redeeming qualities as you say you are, I don't think you'd keep trying as hard as you have to convince me to believe in things about myself.
They don't have to be shiny, brand new off the factory floor goody good qualities, but neither does that mean that just because you've done and experienced bad things that you are now worthless forever. That's the dented part of your processor working against itself.
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Medics are too valuable to lose to something as petty as self-doubt. That's all.
[said like doubling down on that isn't literally the most predictable response. he's a real boy, damnit.]
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Just like it would be a shame to lose someone like you to circular modes of thinking. Getting stuck in the subroutines, you know? Sometimes it's best to yank off the patch job and see what's underneath, but uh... as a doctor, my advice to please not actually literally ever do that.
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Yes, very clever. Don't you have work to do?
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If that's what you want! [a smile, and a tap on the tabletop as she stands with her unfinished drink and begins wandering towards the bar to return her cube as she sips at it while she walks] Be seeing you around then, Magical Megatron!