[he doesn't really look back at her, but he doesn't tell her to go away, either. megatron has no intention of offering any comfort for any self-esteem knocks she's taken.]
See if someone's put a report together for all that's happened while we've been here, too. The politics, Unicron. All that nonsense.
[A nod, along with making a mental note to talk to Knock Out about this during future visits, if he recommended she have any more. She'd never thought about herself as presumptuous before, but she supposed most presumptuous people didn't. It was a disconcerting feeling, and one she intended to banish by beating with the stick of self awareness. If possible.]
Is there something I should keep in mind while reading through them? If you didn't make the reports on things you've lived through, yourself, how will I know if it's objective?
No. I trust those who wrote of the events that happened since we all arrived to have left bias out of it.
[which is an odd feeling, because a version of starscream is potentially one of them. at the very least, megatron doesn't think everything revolves around him to the degree that starscream would bother with petty bias when reporting on something much bigger and more important. the bar is so low. it's in hell. he trusts magnus thoroughly, though. which is............ also weird, because he's an autobot lawman. oh god. everything is upside down.]
[Another nod as she pulled out her datapad and began to dictate into it.] Note to Lotta Littles, go to the library after your next few shifts to research the variations of the war, along with recent events and politics. Unicron, too, there's got to be more than stories.
[She glanced aside as him and raised her datapad to gesture with it.] I apologize if this is distracting, I have difficulty reading and writing, and it helps me focus. Especially because... [A hesitation, as she thinks of her suspicions that she's steadily going mad.] Things have been been, um. Strange. Since arriving here. Have they been strange for you?
It's not. [he says, even though it is a little.] Do as you need to.
[despite what it became, he doesn't forget that in many realities the war was started because the cybertronian council before would not protect or offer mechs like velocity opportunities due to their needs being slightly different. he doesn't think any version of himself would regret burning that antiquated and offensive institution down.]
Yes. Very. I was dealt fatal damage before I came here-- I knew I was dying. Inevitably; the damage was too great. Yet, I fell out the space bridge with almost nothing to show for it. [it is not hard to guess that handprint was involved in the fatal damage, given that spark chambers don't usually take well to being burned.] I say this having travelled to multiple alternate realities before coming here.
[Velocity nodded, started to take a sip of her drink, then put it down without touching it. She looked haunted by the handprint on his chest, and all the more so by her own thoughts.]
Do you... do you ever wonder... I mean. If no one but you remembers things happening the way they did, how do you know it really happened?
[his expression twists; this is a question not too dissimilar ones that plague his processor into the night. if an optimus from his little branch of realities shows up who could not reconcile what had happened between them, if his own showed up with no memory. it's a selfish fear of his, focused on him losing something he wants.]
I suppose you don't, not unless you trust your own recollection... [he mutters lightly, looking over to her with a frown.] Do you not?
[Velocity's thoughtful frown eased into a smile as she gave a little laugh, though beneath the table her free hand clenched and released into a fist, knowing she'd said too much already.]
Anyone would on first showing up here, wouldn't they? Maybe I've just been working too hard.
[that gets an odd look from him. he considers something, then takes a tool out of his subspace. nothing special, just a thick wrench. megatron puts it on the table next to her.]
[A pause and a puzzled look, before she obligingly set down her cube and tried with both hands to bend the wrench, without any success whatsoever. She let out a huff of a laugh and set it back down where she'd picked it up, giving it a little nudge so the angles matched up. It was a new habit she'd picked up, to help keep from bothering Ratchet when she had to borrow or move something.]
I, um? I don't think I understand, but it's still very solidly the way it was.
You can't argue with physics. You are empirically unable to do anything to that tool.
[perhaps showing off a little, megatron picks the wrench up and easily twists it around onto itself. he puts it back on the table, where it rocks slightly from its new completely uneven form.]
Now you know something had to have happened, because the physical proof is there. You can't just tell yourself you bent it! Isn't it harder deny reality, then?
[he flicks the ex-wrench and it rolls over with a clatter.]
Seems to me if someone else told you that you bent the wrench then they the one making things complicated.
[Velocity slowly reached out to pick up the newly bent wrench, holding it carefully in hands that were only steady through long practice. It still didn't confirm that everything that was happening truly was, but at least it confirmed that this exact moment was real, for what that was worth.]
Thank you. I hadn't really... Thought of this as a way to ground myself. It's clever.
Yes. You may also buy me a new one. [he skids a datapad open to space amazon to her.
a moment passes, one that feels heavier than it should.] ...I spent a lot of time living under my own delusions and convincing myself of a reality that wasn't accurate. It took something terrible to snap me out of it. A multiverse level threat.
[this time, he doesn't try to stop himself putting his hand to the hand print on his chest. it matches the shape perfectly.]
See that it doesn't take something terrible to remind you.
[Velocity reached out for the datapad and slowly, carefully began to type in her payment information.]
I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds like whatever it is, happened to a lot of other people, too, but... it's also yours.
[She didn't miss that the handprint had fit into the old injury perfectly, like a puzzle piece whose home she'd been straining to find, and went quiet for a time. Then she laughed, thinking of what her best efforts had not done for her year after year after year. She already knew what it was like to doom yourself to seemingly endless misery, but that didn't sound like what he'd meant...]
I'll do my best. But I can't predict the future. I can only keep going, the same way all of us have.
It's something I did to myself. [in the most literal way possible.] I could have asked for help, but I did not. I was too proud, and it killed me.
[his expression pinches for a moment.]
Or... whatever the timeline nonsense here is. I'm alive here, but have been deactivated back home for centuries from-- Optimus's perspective. Possibly another universe entirely. I do not think about any of this; too much of a processorache.
[Velocity almost reaches out to take his hand in a comforting gesture, but thinks now might not be the best time, and allows her to fall back to curl back around her other hand.]
What if- what if everything you've worked for vanishes, if you tell anyone? Everyone before, during, and since kept believing in me, but- What if that's not enough?
[A pause with the beginnings of an uncertain frown, because hadn't it only been due to the encouragement of others that she'd made it as far as she had? What was she, without that? (Not a doctor.) Then a laugh.]
It's worked for you, right? And you're still here. Might be something to this spite of yours.
[he sees that the concept of it makes her slightly uncomfortable-- but doesn't feel all that bad about it.]
Or... whatever keeps you going. [he concedes, less to make her feel better and more because he feels that's a more apt way to express thanks for her efforts in making sure he isn't falling to pieces.] Just don't expect it to stay positive or uncomplicated long.
[she pulls up an automatic smile that she even mostly feels, and shrugs a bit while hugging one arm. she still doesn't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of using spite as a motivator for herself, but neither is she entirely willing to deny that it clearly had some benefits. plus, she privately admitted, she'd done enough making assumptions today, hadn't she?]
If I wanted the simple, predictable life that was happy all the time, I'd have stayed home and become an actress like everybody wanted.
[another smile, intended to be encouraging]
If it's not too intrusive... what were you always told you had to be? Was it big and bold like an actor, or maybe a stunt driver?
[megatron's expression pinches with the clear distaste of anyone being told they must perform a function. would velocity have been a good actor? that doesn't matter! the whole... everything started because no-one wanted to be told they had to dance to someone else's tune! he looks past her for a moment. this maccadam's is modeled after the one from his own universe, and the seat he and optimus sat in tens of millions of years ago planning speeches and activism is across the way and currently empty.
her question brings him back to the present.]
A gladiator. [he says, almost shrugging.] Entertainment.
[ironic, a little, given what velocity was told to do.]
It only gave me the platform I needed to reach those who wanted to hear what I had to say.
[Velocity frowns a bit herself when she spots his facial expression, pulling her arm tighter against herself with a little laugh at herself at the idea of being mildly hurt because he seemed to be visibly disapproving. Why did it matter, when they'd only just met, after all?]
(Except it did.)
A gladiator? Really?
[A quiet hum as she flicks her optics over him thoughtfully]
I suppose anyone could have the temperament for it just as anyone could be a doctor, it's just a bit? Disconcerting? Maybe? You're so calm! Mellow, even! But I suppose the whole idea is to play things up, and you would certainly be able to access different parts of society...
Actually, on second thought, it does sound like it would be a useful start if you wanted to get noticed. And you did, I'm guessing?
Not everyone has the temperament for it. Those who did not were killed. By me.
[it's strange to him that she thinks he's mellow of all things. but-- he doesn't really behave the same, not even from several months ago. he doesn't have his anger under control so much as he doesn't bother to expend the effort to express it as often until it just explodes out of him. to prove to himself how normal he actually is, he briefly imagines smashing the table and using it to club some of the people in the bar until they'd need a morgue more than a medibay.
yes, that's better.]
Indeed. By a data clerk with a penchant for penning speeches and a desire to see society changed as I did, then the rest is quite violently explosive history. [he'd built a following on his own, but it was really optimus's speeches that started the movement proper.] I don't understand why you would be pushed into acting. Surely medics are far more valuable assets?
[She raises her brow ridges at the initial comment, but supposes that he would've had to kill other bots as a gladiator just the same way he would've had to in war. They wouldn't have had much need of doctors in the days before she became one of there hadn't been near constant battles, would they? And it was essentially self defense, wasn't it? She hums lightly, drumming her fingers on the tabletop as a way to settle herself.]
I'm sorry that's the situation life handed to you. But you survived where others didn't, and led people against the societal injustices you spoke of. There's quite a lot to be said, there.
[She shrugs then, somewhat surprised by his question.]
Maybe in other places, but the cybertronian colony I am from, Caminus, was far enough away from the war that we were essentially left alone. My fellow colonists prized art and expression above all else. I suppose going into medicine is seen as something of a betrayal of those ideals, although you could argue that it's expressing myself by pursuing it? Nautica thought so, anyway.
I liked it. [he says, simply.] I liked fighting and killing people. I still do.
[he doesn't see the point in pretending to be something he's not. as difficult as the changes are to commiserate with, megatron does feel them genuine. he knows he would be much more disquieted if he was trying to run the library himself, rather than seeking out quicksilver. that would be pretending to be someone he's not. if he said to velocity it was a life he hated that he left behind because he despised the violence, that would be lying. the training and the treatment and living conditions were terrible, but he never hated going out into the arena. he will never pretend to go on missions here to be the one to act diplomatically. sure, an attempt will be made where he thinks it's necessary, but ultimately he's the one that goes along to hit stuff very hard until it stops moving.]
I believe so. And what happens to all those artists when they overwork their arms on their paintings or the actors when they have an accident on set?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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See if someone's put a report together for all that's happened while we've been here, too. The politics, Unicron. All that nonsense.
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Is there something I should keep in mind while reading through them? If you didn't make the reports on things you've lived through, yourself, how will I know if it's objective?
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[which is an odd feeling, because a version of starscream is potentially one of them. at the very least, megatron doesn't think everything revolves around him to the degree that starscream would bother with petty bias when reporting on something much bigger and more important. the bar is so low. it's in hell. he trusts magnus thoroughly, though. which is............ also weird, because he's an autobot lawman. oh god. everything is upside down.]
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[She glanced aside as him and raised her datapad to gesture with it.] I apologize if this is distracting, I have difficulty reading and writing, and it helps me focus. Especially because... [A hesitation, as she thinks of her suspicions that she's steadily going mad.] Things have been been, um. Strange. Since arriving here. Have they been strange for you?
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[despite what it became, he doesn't forget that in many realities the war was started because the cybertronian council before would not protect or offer mechs like velocity opportunities due to their needs being slightly different. he doesn't think any version of himself would regret burning that antiquated and offensive institution down.]
Yes. Very. I was dealt fatal damage before I came here-- I knew I was dying. Inevitably; the damage was too great. Yet, I fell out the space bridge with almost nothing to show for it. [it is not hard to guess that handprint was involved in the fatal damage, given that spark chambers don't usually take well to being burned.] I say this having travelled to multiple alternate realities before coming here.
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Do you... do you ever wonder... I mean. If no one but you remembers things happening the way they did, how do you know it really happened?
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I suppose you don't, not unless you trust your own recollection... [he mutters lightly, looking over to her with a frown.] Do you not?
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Anyone would on first showing up here, wouldn't they? Maybe I've just been working too hard.
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Try and bend that.
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I, um? I don't think I understand, but it's still very solidly the way it was.
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[perhaps showing off a little, megatron picks the wrench up and easily twists it around onto itself. he puts it back on the table, where it rocks slightly from its new completely uneven form.]
Now you know something had to have happened, because the physical proof is there. You can't just tell yourself you bent it! Isn't it harder deny reality, then?
[he flicks the ex-wrench and it rolls over with a clatter.]
Seems to me if someone else told you that you bent the wrench then they the one making things complicated.
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Thank you. I hadn't really... Thought of this as a way to ground myself. It's clever.
[Turning the wrench over in her hands]
Can I keep this?
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a moment passes, one that feels heavier than it should.] ...I spent a lot of time living under my own delusions and convincing myself of a reality that wasn't accurate. It took something terrible to snap me out of it. A multiverse level threat.
[this time, he doesn't try to stop himself putting his hand to the hand print on his chest. it matches the shape perfectly.]
See that it doesn't take something terrible to remind you.
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I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds like whatever it is, happened to a lot of other people, too, but... it's also yours.
[She didn't miss that the handprint had fit into the old injury perfectly, like a puzzle piece whose home she'd been straining to find, and went quiet for a time. Then she laughed, thinking of what her best efforts had not done for her year after year after year. She already knew what it was like to doom yourself to seemingly endless misery, but that didn't sound like what he'd meant...]
I'll do my best. But I can't predict the future. I can only keep going, the same way all of us have.
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[his expression pinches for a moment.]
Or... whatever the timeline nonsense here is. I'm alive here, but have been deactivated back home for centuries from-- Optimus's perspective. Possibly another universe entirely. I do not think about any of this; too much of a processorache.
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What if- what if everything you've worked for vanishes, if you tell anyone? Everyone before, during, and since kept believing in me, but- What if that's not enough?
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Then all you have is yourself. [a beat-- he tilts his head towards her.] And your spite.
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It's worked for you, right? And you're still here. Might be something to this spite of yours.
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Or... whatever keeps you going. [he concedes, less to make her feel better and more because he feels that's a more apt way to express thanks for her efforts in making sure he isn't falling to pieces.] Just don't expect it to stay positive or uncomplicated long.
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If I wanted the simple, predictable life that was happy all the time, I'd have stayed home and become an actress like everybody wanted.
[another smile, intended to be encouraging]
If it's not too intrusive... what were you always told you had to be? Was it big and bold like an actor, or maybe a stunt driver?
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her question brings him back to the present.]
A gladiator. [he says, almost shrugging.] Entertainment.
[ironic, a little, given what velocity was told to do.]
It only gave me the platform I needed to reach those who wanted to hear what I had to say.
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(Except it did.)
A gladiator? Really?
[A quiet hum as she flicks her optics over him thoughtfully]
I suppose anyone could have the temperament for it just as anyone could be a doctor, it's just a bit? Disconcerting? Maybe? You're so calm! Mellow, even! But I suppose the whole idea is to play things up, and you would certainly be able to access different parts of society...
Actually, on second thought, it does sound like it would be a useful start if you wanted to get noticed. And you did, I'm guessing?
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[it's strange to him that she thinks he's mellow of all things. but-- he doesn't really behave the same, not even from several months ago. he doesn't have his anger under control so much as he doesn't bother to expend the effort to express it as often until it just explodes out of him. to prove to himself how normal he actually is, he briefly imagines smashing the table and using it to club some of the people in the bar until they'd need a morgue more than a medibay.
yes, that's better.]
Indeed. By a data clerk with a penchant for penning speeches and a desire to see society changed as I did, then the rest is quite violently explosive history. [he'd built a following on his own, but it was really optimus's speeches that started the movement proper.] I don't understand why you would be pushed into acting. Surely medics are far more valuable assets?
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I'm sorry that's the situation life handed to you. But you survived where others didn't, and led people against the societal injustices you spoke of. There's quite a lot to be said, there.
[She shrugs then, somewhat surprised by his question.]
Maybe in other places, but the cybertronian colony I am from, Caminus, was far enough away from the war that we were essentially left alone. My fellow colonists prized art and expression above all else. I suppose going into medicine is seen as something of a betrayal of those ideals, although you could argue that it's expressing myself by pursuing it? Nautica thought so, anyway.
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[he doesn't see the point in pretending to be something he's not. as difficult as the changes are to commiserate with, megatron does feel them genuine. he knows he would be much more disquieted if he was trying to run the library himself, rather than seeking out quicksilver. that would be pretending to be someone he's not. if he said to velocity it was a life he hated that he left behind because he despised the violence, that would be lying. the training and the treatment and living conditions were terrible, but he never hated going out into the arena. he will never pretend to go on missions here to be the one to act diplomatically. sure, an attempt will be made where he thinks it's necessary, but ultimately he's the one that goes along to hit stuff very hard until it stops moving.]
I believe so. And what happens to all those artists when they overwork their arms on their paintings or the actors when they have an accident on set?
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