Oh, that's wonderful to hear! Fine is a lot better than awful! I still need to double check on this, though, for my own peace of mind. You're at you quarters now, correct?
[She already knows and is standing outside his room, she just wanted to give him at least some sense of control over this.]
[you know, if he had done a scan and pinged an energy signature outside his door he would have been scandalized just now. megatron had dropped the kids off with the vehicon he's roped into babysitting when he and quintessa are both busy for his bi-weekly attempt at relaxing slightly, so yes, he is at his hab. he doesn't want to give her the benefit of being right, though, so he decides to get up and leave and go elsewhere. it's extremely petty.
slightly less petty how the door whooshes open and he walks right into her before he actually registers there's someone standing there. oops.]
[Velocity squeaked with surprise at being walked into, rocking with the movement before stepping back with her hands up apologetically, oh boy,] Well! I suppose that answers my question! I was hoping to get to talk to you some first, but if you have somewhere to be we can walk and talk?
[he doesn't step back himself, but he has the decency to look slightly apologetic, optics flicking up and down to make sure he didn't accidentally break part of her armour off with his haste. seeing that velocity is fine, his expression becomes slightly more grouchy.]
I was taking time for myself. [but seeing as he's evidently not going to be left alone:] We could go to Maccadam's. I should pick up some more cubes and... a few other things.
Of course! Wherever you want to go. I'll help you. Afterwards I can do a scan, though I'll be keeping an eye on your leg as we go. I'm sure you'll say you're fine, but any amount of pain or loss of mobility shouldn't have to just be tolerated.
[he says this with a grumble, trudging on ahead of her. it's clear even without a scan that his knee is still troubling him, though not as severely as before.]
I'm fine, [he snaps again, insistent. trying to convince them both, maybe.] and when I've refuelled I'll be even better.
[A tip of her head, and a smile.] You were worth that risk. I'll handle any repercussions after today, when I've ensured to my satisfaction that you've been taken care of properly.
Pride won't help you. It might keep you going for a while, but if you keep going the way you are...
I guess I'll be right with you every step the way, the way I am now. You need that. Everyone does.
[lottie's energy and positivity is unrelenting and so intense it feels like it drains his own slightly, leaving him even more tired. at this point he would not be surprised if she turned out to be some kind of cybervampire... weirder are on the ship.
(it does occur to him that he's just a grouchy old mech being grouchy.)]
I'm sure I read somewhere having favourites isn't proper practice either... [he says, clomping along the hallway down to mac's.] If you keep going the way you are... ah, I've heard that one before. I usually keep going the way I am, and look! I'm not dead yet.
[except that one time. and that other time. she doesn't need to know about that though.]
Don't underestimate the power of spite, little medic.
[An absentminded hum, not looking at him in order to give Megatron at least that much privacy. She hasn't missed the way he's struggling, however, though her tone is light.]
And what will you do, if that's all you've prioritized? You don't care about your own comfort. You don't rely on anyone, or let them rely on you, if I'm to guess. If you don't encourage those things... What will be left when the spite burns away?
[he knows what happens when it runs out. he knows where he ends up. megatron doesn't think about it and ignores the psychosomatic burning of the handprint on his chest, though can't quite stop himself reaching up to it.]
It won't.
[that's all he seems to have to say to that, stopping by the doors to mac's and holding one open for her. let it not be said his manners aren't slowly getting better since optimus domesticated him.]
[Velocity steps through with a smile and a curious expression as she looks around. She's never been here before, and the decor is interesting, but not as interesting as her companion.]
You said you came here to pick up a few things, right? Should we sit at the bar? You'll have more room to stretch your leg out there, if you need to.
[She knows he does, but the question is whether that pride and spite of his will allow it.]
[megatron has been here many times before if his ease in the place is any indication. it looks like his order is already for pick up, as he downloaded the app messaged ahead of time before he'd even left his room. there's a curious selection of organic food that he definitely can't ingest himself and a couple of boring blue cubes of energon.]
I usually... [he tilts his head noncommittally toward a table in the corner. he's already accepted that this time to himself will not happen, so might as well get on with the to do list.
collecting his order and shoving most of it haphazardly into his subspace save for one cube for himself, megatron leaves her to make whatever order she wants and follow him if she chooses. he has some datapads to work through, some accounts to check and books to chase. it's so... benign. boring. un-megatron like, though he doesn't quite know what to think megatron like actually is. breaking the monotony with violence? flying to some planet and starting a war?
the dichotomy is as difficult to reconcile as it always is, and he ends up staring blankly at the log in page for a long few moments.]
[Velocity peeked at his order despite herself, though quickly raised her optics to the ceiling as if she'd witnessed something deeply private. Orders a drink without looking down, then accepts it and finally lowers her gaze just to see him staring blankly at that datapad of his.]
Are you all right? Is it the pain, or is something on your mind? Admittedly, I'm better at handling one over the other...
[a lot of things immediately pop into his mind, but they're mostly just whining. pathetic little complaints that would get him nowhere except closer to how antlers conducts himself-- blaming everyone else for his problems and impotently grousing about things that are within his power to change. pointedly, he stretches his leg out underneath the table. his joint creaks slightly, betraying that he possibly hasn't been doing the exercises as much as he should, but otherwise he remains silent.]
You would do well not to speak to me like you know me, [he starts off as he finishes the log in, looking at the screen rather than her. his tone isn't angry or accusing, but it's certainly not happy.] the Decepticons here that still see fit to follow me - few in number though they may be - rely on me. Do not misunderstand me, I am not telling you this as some sad, weary admission that I find it too much. I do not. I know exactly how it is to have several or an entire army with expectations of you as their leader. I consider myself extremely fortunate of who I have following me here, as they have been capable enough to understand that the point of my Decepticons is no longer to destroy the Autobots or whatever little planet we find just for resources and fun.
[his tone stays even as he says this-- he doesn't seem to hold much outward regret for those past actions. or inward, actually. megatron doesn't really dwell on those actions all that much these days. he is also unwilling to admit to the little organic beasts relying on him, too. that seems too close to admitting like he cares a lot about them.]
Do some reading on the war. [he's clocked by now that she doesn't have an autobrand, seems too young and idealistic to have been through it all.] Try and actually understand your patients, instead of taking wild guesses. Yes, it differs through realities, but most here have been fighting for the majority of their lives. Most have watched their friends and loved ones die horrible, pointless deaths. They learned to cope however they could. Some of them will never be able to change that. And to be brought here, where everything matters even less...
[it's clear he's counting himself separate from all this, as he says they instead of we. and yet-- he's only describing himself exactly, too.] You have no idea what--
[he cuts himself off, suddenly, from the words carrying the most emotion he's expressed in the entire conversation, everything guttering back out into his usual resigned exhaustion.]
[She sat and she stared. There was the temptation to lower her eyes down to the table and to squirm the way she always had when people took her to task for getting something wrong, although this was bigger than a spelling or reading comprehension mistake, and it wouldn't have felt right to cower when he corrected her as if he were some monster. He wasn't. He was just the same as anyone, and anyone deserved to be met with her chin held high.]
I didn't mean- I didn't intend to-
[She tightened her grip on her own drink, which was the lightest they'd had available, then deliberately relaxed it.]
I apologize. I shouldn't have made assumptions. I don't want to make you or my other patients to feel disrespected or like I'm not listening, I really genuinely do want to understand. So... I will do like you said, and do research on the war.
[Another pause, as she glanced at him, weighing whether it would be appropriate to point out that he'd been talking about his soldiers as if the war had happened to just them, and not him, but eventually decided to remain quiet.]
[he doesn't really look back at her, but he doesn't tell her to go away, either. megatron has no intention of offering any comfort for any self-esteem knocks she's taken.]
See if someone's put a report together for all that's happened while we've been here, too. The politics, Unicron. All that nonsense.
[A nod, along with making a mental note to talk to Knock Out about this during future visits, if he recommended she have any more. She'd never thought about herself as presumptuous before, but she supposed most presumptuous people didn't. It was a disconcerting feeling, and one she intended to banish by beating with the stick of self awareness. If possible.]
Is there something I should keep in mind while reading through them? If you didn't make the reports on things you've lived through, yourself, how will I know if it's objective?
No. I trust those who wrote of the events that happened since we all arrived to have left bias out of it.
[which is an odd feeling, because a version of starscream is potentially one of them. at the very least, megatron doesn't think everything revolves around him to the degree that starscream would bother with petty bias when reporting on something much bigger and more important. the bar is so low. it's in hell. he trusts magnus thoroughly, though. which is............ also weird, because he's an autobot lawman. oh god. everything is upside down.]
[Another nod as she pulled out her datapad and began to dictate into it.] Note to Lotta Littles, go to the library after your next few shifts to research the variations of the war, along with recent events and politics. Unicron, too, there's got to be more than stories.
[She glanced aside as him and raised her datapad to gesture with it.] I apologize if this is distracting, I have difficulty reading and writing, and it helps me focus. Especially because... [A hesitation, as she thinks of her suspicions that she's steadily going mad.] Things have been been, um. Strange. Since arriving here. Have they been strange for you?
It's not. [he says, even though it is a little.] Do as you need to.
[despite what it became, he doesn't forget that in many realities the war was started because the cybertronian council before would not protect or offer mechs like velocity opportunities due to their needs being slightly different. he doesn't think any version of himself would regret burning that antiquated and offensive institution down.]
Yes. Very. I was dealt fatal damage before I came here-- I knew I was dying. Inevitably; the damage was too great. Yet, I fell out the space bridge with almost nothing to show for it. [it is not hard to guess that handprint was involved in the fatal damage, given that spark chambers don't usually take well to being burned.] I say this having travelled to multiple alternate realities before coming here.
[Velocity nodded, started to take a sip of her drink, then put it down without touching it. She looked haunted by the handprint on his chest, and all the more so by her own thoughts.]
Do you... do you ever wonder... I mean. If no one but you remembers things happening the way they did, how do you know it really happened?
[his expression twists; this is a question not too dissimilar ones that plague his processor into the night. if an optimus from his little branch of realities shows up who could not reconcile what had happened between them, if his own showed up with no memory. it's a selfish fear of his, focused on him losing something he wants.]
I suppose you don't, not unless you trust your own recollection... [he mutters lightly, looking over to her with a frown.] Do you not?
[Velocity's thoughtful frown eased into a smile as she gave a little laugh, though beneath the table her free hand clenched and released into a fist, knowing she'd said too much already.]
Anyone would on first showing up here, wouldn't they? Maybe I've just been working too hard.
[that gets an odd look from him. he considers something, then takes a tool out of his subspace. nothing special, just a thick wrench. megatron puts it on the table next to her.]
[A pause and a puzzled look, before she obligingly set down her cube and tried with both hands to bend the wrench, without any success whatsoever. She let out a huff of a laugh and set it back down where she'd picked it up, giving it a little nudge so the angles matched up. It was a new habit she'd picked up, to help keep from bothering Ratchet when she had to borrow or move something.]
I, um? I don't think I understand, but it's still very solidly the way it was.
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[She already knows and is standing outside his room, she just wanted to give him at least some sense of control over this.]
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slightly less petty how the door whooshes open and he walks right into her before he actually registers there's someone standing there. oops.]
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I was taking time for myself. [but seeing as he's evidently not going to be left alone:] We could go to Maccadam's. I should pick up some more cubes and... a few other things.
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[he says this with a grumble, trudging on ahead of her. it's clear even without a scan that his knee is still troubling him, though not as severely as before.]
I'm fine, [he snaps again, insistent. trying to convince them both, maybe.] and when I've refuelled I'll be even better.
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Pride won't help you. It might keep you going for a while, but if you keep going the way you are...
I guess I'll be right with you every step the way, the way I am now. You need that. Everyone does.
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(it does occur to him that he's just a grouchy old mech being grouchy.)]
I'm sure I read somewhere having favourites isn't proper practice either... [he says, clomping along the hallway down to mac's.] If you keep going the way you are... ah, I've heard that one before. I usually keep going the way I am, and look! I'm not dead yet.
[except that one time. and that other time. she doesn't need to know about that though.]
Don't underestimate the power of spite, little medic.
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And what will you do, if that's all you've prioritized? You don't care about your own comfort. You don't rely on anyone, or let them rely on you, if I'm to guess. If you don't encourage those things... What will be left when the spite burns away?
I don't want you to have to find out.
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It won't.
[that's all he seems to have to say to that, stopping by the doors to mac's and holding one open for her. let it not be said his manners aren't slowly getting better since optimus domesticated him.]
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You said you came here to pick up a few things, right? Should we sit at the bar? You'll have more room to stretch your leg out there, if you need to.
[She knows he does, but the question is whether that pride and spite of his will allow it.]
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downloaded the appmessaged ahead of time before he'd even left his room. there's a curious selection of organic food that he definitely can't ingest himself and a couple of boring blue cubes of energon.]I usually... [he tilts his head noncommittally toward a table in the corner. he's already accepted that this time to himself will not happen, so might as well get on with the to do list.
collecting his order and shoving most of it haphazardly into his subspace save for one cube for himself, megatron leaves her to make whatever order she wants and follow him if she chooses. he has some datapads to work through, some accounts to check and books to chase. it's so... benign. boring. un-megatron like, though he doesn't quite know what to think megatron like actually is. breaking the monotony with violence? flying to some planet and starting a war?
the dichotomy is as difficult to reconcile as it always is, and he ends up staring blankly at the log in page for a long few moments.]
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Are you all right? Is it the pain, or is something on your mind? Admittedly, I'm better at handling one over the other...
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You would do well not to speak to me like you know me, [he starts off as he finishes the log in, looking at the screen rather than her. his tone isn't angry or accusing, but it's certainly not happy.] the Decepticons here that still see fit to follow me - few in number though they may be - rely on me. Do not misunderstand me, I am not telling you this as some sad, weary admission that I find it too much. I do not. I know exactly how it is to have several or an entire army with expectations of you as their leader. I consider myself extremely fortunate of who I have following me here, as they have been capable enough to understand that the point of my Decepticons is no longer to destroy the Autobots or whatever little planet we find just for resources and fun.
[his tone stays even as he says this-- he doesn't seem to hold much outward regret for those past actions. or inward, actually. megatron doesn't really dwell on those actions all that much these days. he is also unwilling to admit to the little organic beasts relying on him, too. that seems too close to admitting like he cares a lot about them.]
Do some reading on the war. [he's clocked by now that she doesn't have an autobrand, seems too young and idealistic to have been through it all.] Try and actually understand your patients, instead of taking wild guesses. Yes, it differs through realities, but most here have been fighting for the majority of their lives. Most have watched their friends and loved ones die horrible, pointless deaths. They learned to cope however they could. Some of them will never be able to change that. And to be brought here, where everything matters even less...
[it's clear he's counting himself separate from all this, as he says they instead of we. and yet-- he's only describing himself exactly, too.] You have no idea what--
[he cuts himself off, suddenly, from the words carrying the most emotion he's expressed in the entire conversation, everything guttering back out into his usual resigned exhaustion.]
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I didn't mean- I didn't intend to-
[She tightened her grip on her own drink, which was the lightest they'd had available, then deliberately relaxed it.]
I apologize. I shouldn't have made assumptions. I don't want to make you or my other patients to feel disrespected or like I'm not listening, I really genuinely do want to understand. So... I will do like you said, and do research on the war.
[Another pause, as she glanced at him, weighing whether it would be appropriate to point out that he'd been talking about his soldiers as if the war had happened to just them, and not him, but eventually decided to remain quiet.]
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See if someone's put a report together for all that's happened while we've been here, too. The politics, Unicron. All that nonsense.
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Is there something I should keep in mind while reading through them? If you didn't make the reports on things you've lived through, yourself, how will I know if it's objective?
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[which is an odd feeling, because a version of starscream is potentially one of them. at the very least, megatron doesn't think everything revolves around him to the degree that starscream would bother with petty bias when reporting on something much bigger and more important. the bar is so low. it's in hell. he trusts magnus thoroughly, though. which is............ also weird, because he's an autobot lawman. oh god. everything is upside down.]
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[She glanced aside as him and raised her datapad to gesture with it.] I apologize if this is distracting, I have difficulty reading and writing, and it helps me focus. Especially because... [A hesitation, as she thinks of her suspicions that she's steadily going mad.] Things have been been, um. Strange. Since arriving here. Have they been strange for you?
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[despite what it became, he doesn't forget that in many realities the war was started because the cybertronian council before would not protect or offer mechs like velocity opportunities due to their needs being slightly different. he doesn't think any version of himself would regret burning that antiquated and offensive institution down.]
Yes. Very. I was dealt fatal damage before I came here-- I knew I was dying. Inevitably; the damage was too great. Yet, I fell out the space bridge with almost nothing to show for it. [it is not hard to guess that handprint was involved in the fatal damage, given that spark chambers don't usually take well to being burned.] I say this having travelled to multiple alternate realities before coming here.
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Do you... do you ever wonder... I mean. If no one but you remembers things happening the way they did, how do you know it really happened?
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I suppose you don't, not unless you trust your own recollection... [he mutters lightly, looking over to her with a frown.] Do you not?
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Anyone would on first showing up here, wouldn't they? Maybe I've just been working too hard.
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Try and bend that.
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I, um? I don't think I understand, but it's still very solidly the way it was.
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